If you were one of us 90s kids, chances are you spent half your childhood terrified of completely made-up dangers.
Our parents didn’t have Google – hey had confidence, and somehow they convinced an entire generation that swallowing chewing gum was basically a life sentence, turning the big light on would bankrupt the family, and opening the car’s interior light was enough to get Dad arrested.
Looking back, it’s amazing how many of these myths we took as gospel.
1. The ice cream van only plays music when it’s sold out
One of the greatest scams ever pulled on 90s kids was being told the ice cream van only played music when it had sold out. It was a genius way to stop children begging for a 99 Flake every time they heard Greensleeves drifting through the neighbourhood.
2. Swallowing chewing gum means it stays in your stomach for seven years
Every group of 90s kids knew someone who accidentally swallowed their chewing gum and immediately panicked. Apparently it would sit in your stomach for seven years, slowly building into a giant ball of Wrigley’s.
3. If you pull that face, it’ll stay like that
Parents loved telling 90s kids that pulling silly faces was dangerous. Add in the warning that the wind might change at exactly the wrong moment, and suddenly nobody wanted to risk making a funny face for too long.
4. The big light costs approximately £74 a minute to use
Every 90s kid grew up believing the big light was connected directly to the National Grid. Leaving it on for more than thirty seconds apparently meant we’d all be living by candlelight next month.
5. And don’t leave the fridge door open…
Because that would somehow collapse the National Grid as well. Honestly, it’s a miracle Britain still had electricity.
6. Sit too close to the TV and you’ll become square-eyed
Not short-sighted, not need glasses – your actual eyeballs would become squares.
Perfectly reasonable.
7. Eat your crusts and your hair will go curly
Depending on your mum, they either made your hair curly… or put hairs on your chest.
Neither explanation stood up to much scientific scrutiny.
8. Cracking your knuckles gives you arthritis
This was one of those warnings 90s kids heard so often that it sounded scientific. Every satisfying crack came with an immediate reminder that arthritis was apparently just around the corner.
9. Cross your eyes and they’ll stay like that
Almost all 90s kids tested this one at least once. We’d deliberately cross our eyes, panic after a few seconds and quickly look straight again, just in case everyone else had been telling the truth.
10. Go outside with wet hair and you’ll catch a cold
Generations of 90s kids genuinely believed damp hair was enough to guarantee a cold. Winter mornings often involved arguments about drying your hair properly before leaving the house.
11. “If you don’t behave, I’m turning this car around.”
Every family car journey included this famous threat, and 90s kids knew better than to test it. The car rarely turned around, but nobody wanted to find out if today would finally be the day.
12. If the inside car light came on…
Dad would apparently be arrested before we reached the next roundabout.
Anybody else only learn this was bullshit as an adult?
13. Don’t swallow fruit pips…
Apple pips, orange pips and watermelon seeds all carried the same terrifying warning for 90s kids. Swallow one by mistake and you’d supposedly end up growing your own orchard.
14. Don’t make that face when the wind changes
Parents loved telling 90s kids that pulling silly faces was dangerous. Add in the warning that the wind might change at exactly the wrong moment, and suddenly nobody wanted to risk making a funny face for too long.
15. If you don’t eat your dinner…
There were apparently children somewhere who’d love your overcooked sprouts.
We weren’t convinced.
16. If you pee in the swimming pool…
They’ll put a special dye in the water that turns bright red around you.
Every child spent at least five seconds wondering if today was the day they’d be publicly exposed.
17. Eat all your carrots and you’ll see in the dark
Every 90s kid spent years believing carrots turned you into some sort of budget Batman. Disappointingly, the only thing they actually improved was your chances of avoiding an argument at the dinner table.
Which one fooled you the longest?
Being one of the 90s kids meant growing up with a strange mix of parenting myths, playground rumours and absolute nonsense that everyone accepted as fact. Which one did you genuinely believe, and what other ridiculous “facts” were you told growing up? Let us know in the comments of this post!
